What Next? - Sat, Aug 22, 2020

No chill.

PSA - I don’t remember if I have written on this topic before. But this is what is present for me right now and I am too lazy to check.

I am restless as fuck, like peak restless. I cannot sit still for one minute. I am either always doing something, on my way to do something or planning what to do next. Ask me at any moment during the entire day what I want to do, I have atleast 2-3 things always on my mind I want to get back to. Yeah, it’s not great.

I am constantly looking for something new to do. What can I pick up next? How do I improve this? What more can I learn about that? It reaches a point that atleast once every quarter I have to literally sit down and write all the things I have picked up. Then comes the process of taking stuff off that list because I am exhausted the fuck out of my mind. It’s too many articles, too many books, too many projects!

I sat down today thinking how do I keep doing this. Why do I keep searching for new things to pick up. The answer almost always came back to me feeling I am not doing enough with my life. Every time I talk to someone or go online, I see these amazing human beings doing amazing shit everyday and feeling there is so much more I could do. How can I reach there? What can I do so that my work creates an impact on the things I care about?

Then starts the process of picking up more things, and even more things. And my life becomes this optimsation problem I need to solve. Only if I arrange my day a certain way, do everything at a certain time, I will have exactly the time I need to do this other thing. But real life doesn’t work like that and things don’t happen in assigned slots. And rather than accepting I have bitten off more than I can chew much I just double down blame myself for not being efficient enough and start the same cycle of trying to fit everything and more into my day again. The process is exhausting and it slowly takes more and more away from you than it gives back.

To overcome this shitty cycle I have started doing one new thing, the only thing I know. I have started slotting breaks and breathers into my schedule. Slots and days where I will take a break, go for a walk, take it slow. Because if I don’t add it to my schedule, make it a target one day I will just forget that I need to breathe too. With that I leave you today, I have 45 min break planned for myself.

TATA!

cube